


Venting is For The Weak, and Here’s How I Prove I’m not

by LaLaLarrisaLaLa



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Aesthetics, Anxiety, Emo, F/F, F/M, Keep your hope, Other, Poems, Stress, depressed, if any of these chapters seem like I’m romanticizing mental illness I’m not, my sad attempts at poems, theyre about how I feel and most are sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-02-22 23:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13177920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaLaLarrisaLaLa/pseuds/LaLaLarrisaLaLa
Summary: I’m a depressed shit that is making sad attempts to make somewhat of a poem book. Even though some of these are not grammatically correct I think at least a few are good.





	1. My Sweetheart

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn’t read the information before there will most likely be mentioning of depression, stress, anxiety, and suicide. Proceed with caution.

Why am I put in these situations?  
why do I have these retarded feelings?  
For you my love are put on the highest shelf for the only purpose to not let me have you yet for you to still be able to taunt me and keep me trapped in, you don’t know what you do to me but damn does this world do. 

The world holds you above me out of reach yet so close, your love and kindness shine through, you are that little voice that keeps me going, yet you are also the reason my dark thoughts consume most of my mind. You remind me that I’m not as useless as I think, you make me want to wake up early to text you and make sure you are ok, but this friendship we built so quickly also left room for this aching pit in my heart that you left when I thought that you could be mine. 

When the trap was first laid out I tried to stay back I tried to keep my heart in its cage I made, but you. You laid out a bigger bate and my heart went running. It broke through its cage and went leaping. For that one second I actually believed I had a chance with you, I would soon be shown I was mistaken. 

I thought I was special and that I was the only one you called love, lovely, lovey, and many more. I thought you went out of your way to call me such words that used to give me life like I did. I then saw how you talked to your friends around you. I saw that I was in fact not special at all. I did in fact realize that yes you do care about me, but only as a friend. 

I may sound like I’m overreacting but damn does a rejected heart hurt worse than a break up. Because in a break up you had your chance and you know that it wasn’t meant to be, but rejection they don’t give you a chance you are left with all the dreams you had about being with them. Dreams that once filled you with happiness now haunt you with the shattering realization you never had them in your grasp. 

Every comment,every time you made me feel special, every thing you ever did to make me feel loved somehow mended my heart together yet ripped it apart. And what is a damn shame is that even though this pain I’d go through it again if it meant I could still talk to you and read your messages about how you love me and how you want to pay for me because hell I’d be lying if I said those messages don’t give me a will to live.


	2. Dear Depression

Dear depression,  
Thank you for letting me go for that five hours, forty five minutes and twenty seven seconds.

 

For in that time I had the chance to remember how great it feels to be happy with people. I got to appreciate my body for a bit and get through my brain that yes I still want to go and die but I have that I have the hidden will and yearning to stay alive. 

 

Horrible yet comforting dark grey depression, your first mistake was letting me have hope at all. I got a taste of the sweet sweet happiness and now I won’t let it go. 

 

You may be stuck with me now, but I know one day you will lose your grip for a second and I’ll come back as strong as I started. You have many many victories, but you will never win my everything.

 

Sincerely your loving host, 

L. Aspatore


	3. All I Do is Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was really depressed went I wrote this and damn I didn’t realize till now it’s actually pretty good

I wish words could come to me in waves that described me poetically,   
I wish I could make a song that danced perfectly with my demons that pull out the truth,  
I want to be a poet and have the advantage of being able to write down my feelings that made everything that in my head look beautiful,   
I'll try in my desperate attempts to be someone I'm not because my true side is covered in a pitch black sheet with aesthetically pleasing horror inside as I cry in the background,   
Hoping for someone to fly down and save me from my despairing problems, my desire to be engulfed with a love that gets me high all the time, my desire to be wanted by someone and want them back as much,   
But sadly I'm stuck in a world that relies on looks and money with the only intent to impress higher ups,   
The ones that give the most love are either broken or far from my grasp with the extremely thin chance of liking me back,   
I fall to easily and crumble just as quickly, so my love, i am broken as much as you are.


	4. Chapter 4

I take a shaky breath in and let out a screech, why you may ask. Well isn’t it obvious? You make my life amazing and I can't help but keep falling. I thought I’d get over you but I’m glad I never did because honey my life without would be crawling with the hell’s of my past. You make my heart pitter patter and every time I imagine me with you. Your smile is as bright as the sun and the way you look at me makes me forget all the cliche romance things I’m supposed to use to describe you. Baby girl, sweet heart, my new found drug, how can you take over someone's emotions without even knowing. I’m here sitting and waiting for that stuffed bear that you promised you'd send me with your perfume, because all I can do is think of how that idea was yours and not mine. Let me go from your wicked trap, you’re not the only one that has me under their love control. Love potions are thrown at me and even though I warn myself not to breath in the toxic air I take in that deep breath just to let you and the two others know how much I care. Is it because of my past love life I’m so messed up? It would make so much sense but I’d hate myself even more if I thought my issues were placed on that beautiful human that I couldn’t give enough love to. I’ll push pass that scar I know I know I should fix because I stand to face that demon, so I’ll drew all my devil traps and put on that stunning mask of a smile for I can not take the full truth of being discovered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not finished with it and will probably will never finish but here we are.


End file.
